courage. display. success.

today is a new day for me—i'm very excited because last night i posted the last of my paintings at a local hamburger joint in the city where i live. i know it may not seem much since it's just a local hamburger & hotdog restaurant, but for me, it's a matter of pride and self-worth. this is the first time that i have ever exhibited my paintings—or artwork for that matter—anywhere in a local setting. so yeah, it means a lot.

straight view of "pablo," abstract "crazy  mind," 

 & "francis francis espresso machine"

side view of restaurant and paintings

full view of restaurant as you walk in

"pablo," "crazy mind," "francis francis espresso machine,"

"harry potter," "pablo's bowl" & "pablo's bone"

"harry potter," "pablo's bowl," "pablo's bone" & "sting"

"sting"

it's new for me and i have to admit, i'm a bit nervous. although these particular paintings are not for sale, i'm hoping with the advertising of my business cards beside my work, that someone will call me for that one ideal commission for that one perfect custom painting. but only time will tell.

when i was a senior in college, the art department gives their graduating seniors the opportunity (for extra credits prior to graduation) to host a senior exhibit. i, however, chose not to participate. i was too nervous and too insecure to get involved which ultimately could have turned into something so skittish and apprehensive, that i chose not to participate in fear of getting criticized and rejected. i had no idea how it would have turned out, so i didn't try. it's something i always regretted and wish i could have followed through with instead of running away from it.

do i regret it? absolutely. what did i have to lose? nothing but criticism from local professors and students. although i was a graphic design major, i always enjoyed painting as my "hobby." since i had never studied painting for a foundation course prior to my concentration, i was afraid my amateur status would come to fruition thus causing a public embarrassment for me and my work. 

i was scared.

i've learned over the years, that unless you try something different, you won't be recognized for this divergent step in your career and/or your work. unfortunately, it took me 7 years since i graduated to realize this. although i am filled with regret for this decision, i now know in order to succeed, i have to give it the ole' "college try" or it won't take me any further in my career to feel confident and proud to be an artist. regardless of what the public may think of my work, it's a reflection of me and who i am when i paint and i love it. 

it gives me satisfaction.

when this local restaurant advertised for local artists to showcase their work, i immediately dove in and went for it. i decided to go for my 'oyster' as i had nothing to lose, or gain if i didn't at least try. now i know, as i gaze at my paintings from afar upon walking into the restaurant that i'm excited and i'm proud of myself for going for it. because again, what did i have to lose? nothing, nothing at all.

perhaps this is the start of my career as i know it. whether it be graphic design or as a freelance painter, i know it needed to be done. at least for me and my psyche. although there's the chance that my work may never go farther than these four walls at a local hamburger joint, i can still feel proud that my work was displayed publicly and proudly. 

i showed courage. i displayed my work, and i now have inner success. that says a lot.

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i did it

i finally did it. i submitted my project to the denver art museum's upcoming exhibit, open for design. i'm excited and i'm eager to see my idea as an exhibit at this prestigious showing for the public to see. 


this is new to me, and apart of me is nervous, but i know that it will not only enhance my portfolio and resumé, but my psyche as well. it's what i will need to move my work and my fine art skills forward in life and push me to create more, instead of the frustration and disappointment that normally surrounds me as an artist. the frustration that i typically feel on a daily basis.


I submitted my idea & sketch about how I would love to turn an old vacant dilapidated building or wall into a childrens mural of art! with donations from local art stores, craft stores or hardware stores for any kind of paint—from spray paint to tempera paint—children can paint whatever they want. even graffiti will be accepted & welcomed.

this mural will be one-of-a-kind and it'll brighten up any inner-city neighborhood, especially for children whose art classes or programs have been cut by the school district due to funding, this will give them the creative outlet they have been wanting for so long.

there's something so raw about freehand & graffiti art that I have always loved and admired, so including an art display of this magnitude, will increase their confidence and for that one moment in time, this glorious memory that will stay with them for the rest of their lives with give them pleasure.

illustration of an example of my submission

the idea of seeing inner-city children—or any child for that matter—painting abstract works of art, or even as a realistic point-of-view, would be a more pleasing visual than a blank canvas on a wall or building instead. it would bring color to the neighborhood and a little bit of pride for these children as they gaze upon their work for weeks, or months, to come.

as long as the wall or building remain vacant, they can start over with a simple white painted wall over the mural, maybe to include a whole new group of children to showcase their talents as well. another outlet where they can express their thoughts and inner-feelings within this neighborhood project.

as i enjoy this self-acclaimed greatness, i know my confidence will increase exponentially.

as this coming week approaches, i will be exhibiting my paintings at a restaurant for local artists to showcase their work, and although this is a simple display, it's meaningful to me regardless.

i will persevere through my insecurity and add another notch to my portfolio and my resumé to ensure my confidence will increase in time.

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designing a submission of fear

where do i start? do i start with the details of my upcoming submission for DAM's (denver art museum) Open For Design exhibit, or just discuss my fear of proposing my work in general?


perhaps these are questions i must answer to myself as i attempt to try and include my work and my idea for this exhibit. i'm nervous, that much i admit, mainly because i haven't included my work or my ideas in any sort of exhibit since college. so where do i start? the idea is in my head, but can i execute it as i present it in two weeks for acceptance to such a public-driven museum, and not just your local small town art gallery, but a space of a much larger scale.


i know my idea is an extraordinary one, and i know my idea will 'knock their socks off,' but i'm scared, i really am. this much i will admit. i'm not afraid to come to terms with this, but i'll try, regardless. 


what do i have to lose? nothing.


with the recent passing of my father, i want to dedicate this to him because i know he would have been proud, so for me, it's something personal and i know in my heart, he would have approved. he would have even agreed with this idea running through my head. it means a lot to me, from someone who has incorporated an eclectic mix of pre-owned designs and decor in my home, to brand new. i believe in an idea that can help clean up our cities and our world while including local inner-city kids who don't have the privilege of creating art or learning about art as a whole.


as an artist myself, that breaks my heart.


when you have an idea but continue to struggle with how to engineer it and put it out there for the judges to see, will they 'get' what i'm trying to convey, as i stand there in a mirror of confusion. 


again, i have nothing to lose. i can only try and not give up. i will persevere.


i won't share my idea with you, not yet. perhaps afterwards when i've already proposed my design, then my visualization will be hashed out here and discussed freely. i will be excited to share it with you. that much i can guarantee.


but for now, be patient. submission date is july 28.

as i sit here shaking with anticipation, i know i have a lot of work ahead of me. i have started with images only, but haven't executed the 3D design which i will need to present to the judges. in my mind, i need to come up with materials and a decent design that i hope will be accepted into this exhibit. an exhibit that i know will impress the public. as i will move forward with my search for scraps and the like, i know i'll have a challenging road ahead of me. 

it will be a test to my art and design abilities, something i've always had anxiety for, this much is certain, but providing recycled materials will be key to my idea and my design. otherwise, it will be nothing shy of an oxymoron if i head to the store and purchase nothing but new materials, but sometimes we will need to create something that purchasing new is imperative to the overall design. how can i overcome this?

imagination will hopefully override the outcome of my anxiety.

i will sit here and still contemplate my execution of my submission, but i promise you this, i will do it, i will finish!

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