in the meantime, however, i have been somewhat successful (and i don't mean monetarily successful) by selling my logo design packages through ebay. even though i have gained a decent following and have made some pretty good 'online' friends through my clientele, nothing is as substantial or steady as a regular paying, punch-the-clock job. now don't get me wrong here folks, nothing would please me more than to have my own successful design business, but that's much easier said than done. i started my design business, one girl creative, in july 2003, while i was still knee deep in my studies. so as you could imagine, at first, the intimidation factor of having that 'first real' client was overwhelming at best. but as i started designing posters or logos here and there, i soon found that yes, graphic design was my calling! i loved every minute of it. but could i actually get out there and receive a job offer where i would actually get paid for what i love? i guess that's the million dollar question.
as i force myself each and everyday to continue my arduous search—to no avail—i find myself falling deeper and deeper in this abyss we call unemployment. now, don't get me wrong, i am not trying to sound philosophical or bitter, but tell me, why is it i cannot find a job in my damn field? does my work suck that badly? when i walk into the interview schlepping my portfolio, do i appear to be a bitch? did I not kiss their ass to the point of wanting to immediately hire me on the spot enough? did i not tell them repeatedly how badly i loved their f-ing company and how much i would love to work for them? are my breasts too big? too small, for that matter? is my ass too big? i know it isn't too small, so tell me, what is it??? my answer is this—it's like art in general, it's all subjective. for whatever damn reason they choose to not hire me or call me back for a second interview, i guess it all boils down to one, simple thing—too much damn competition!!!
then i occasionally wonder whether or not i wasted my time graduating with this damn degree in the first place. should i have studied medicine, perhaps? hell no—i am too stupid to be accepted to medical school. what about architecture? still a creative field. wanted to, but my lack of math skills almost prevented me from graduating in the first place. so we al know that wouldn't suffice. what about computer science? it seems the field of IT (information technology) is running rampant within our vast technological driven society. but i ponder this over and over—does that mean i would have to work on a pc? oooh, bad idea. as you may have figured out from that last statement, i am a mac freak!!! yes, you got it—i am pro-apple in every way shape & form. except the iphone, which i cannot currently purchase thanks to apple's all-inclusiveness to at&t (for now, at least).
all kidding aside, i imagine the reason i chose to study and pursue graphic design as a career was because—silly me—i actually love it? i guess so. unfortunately, loving something and getting paid for it don't necessarily go hand-in-hand these days. i imagine we're all lucky to have a job period. so i end this on an interesting note. i will further continue my search for that one employer who would be more than willing to hire me as a 'paid' graphic designer, art director, whatever—but in the meantime, what doesn't define what we do, but only who we are, i will now turn in my application at starbucks (not really) in hopes to at least receive a job offer as well as a kick-ass benefits package. good luck to all of you struggling artists out there. hang in there and don't give up the fight to work in that passionate field of design, art, illustration, photography—whatever!
grad school here i come! =P
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